What all makes up how we view money? What’s influenced us or others on how we now spend or save? There are so many factors that go into our relationship with finances.
It can already be difficult enough to tackle the issue ourselves, but combine it with someone that has a totally different money background than us and suddenly we’re forced to learn new skills. The game has changed and it isn’t that great.
What a lot of people don’t realize when they get married is that money issues aren’t just money issues. Yeah, we’ve all heard about the couple that just can’t agree on the budget and how money is the main reason for divorce. But as stated above, it forces us to learn new skills. We can’t just fight and hope it all turns out for the best and the difficult or wayward spouse will someday come around. It shows us that we need to learn how to communicate or compromise with each other. A couple of skills many of us aren’t that good at.
What a lot of people don’t realize when they get married is that money issues aren’t just money issues. Yeah, we’ve all heard about the couple that just can’t agree on the budget and how money is the main reason for divorce. But as stated above, it forces us to learn new skills. We can’t just fight and hope it all turns out for the best and the difficult or wayward spouse will someday come around. It shows us that we need to learn how to communicate or compromise with each other. A couple of skills many of us aren’t that good at.
But now comes the question as to how we do those two things. So many people tell us that we have to communicate and compromise on money before marriage or soon after, but they never tell us how. They leave us to guess and hope for the best.
So here are few tips and steps (hacks if you will) on getting your spouse on the same page as you with money.
COMMUNICATION
Step 1
So when you both finally decide to sit down and have the “fun” conversation, make sure they know what you want to discuss with them.
I’m not talking about the money, of course they know this is the main subject. I’m talking about letting them know that you want to find a solution for the both of you. This lets them know that you’re not about to attack them for their spending habits; it puts their walls down.
Then let them know you have a couple of questions just to gain better understanding.
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Step 2
The first question you need to ask is about their family. What was their family’s view on money? How did they deal with spending and saving? And then let them answer. It’ll give you a better understanding of how to deal with and help them, as well as gain new insight into the habits that frustrate you most.
It could reveal a few of things. First that they had parents that thought every day was a holiday and spending wasn’t a problem. Money saving wasn’t a topic they spoke of.. or liked. Or it could show how they came from an overly frugal family that suffocated any chance to spend, making them feel suffocated themselves growing up. Hence why they don’t manage their money well as an adult. Or maybe their parents just didn’t educate them on money.
Whatever the case, listen and then let them know that you understand and you’re open to working with them on finances. It shows them respect and that they have a say in things. Not like you’re going to take control and cut them out of the issue.
Step 3
The next question you want to ask them is if they have any dreams (or goals). What is it that they’d like to have or do or accomplish someday in the future? Do they want to travel and backpack? Are they really interested in buying their parent’s house they grew up in? Do they want to finish school and finally get a degree? Whatever it is, let them know that you support their dream or goal. Then ask them if they’d be willing to set money aside for this.
More than likely they’ll say yes and this just starts the process of having them get on board with finances. Because once they start to care about saving for something, then they’ll take notice about what’s coming in and out. They’ll be more conscious of their spending choices and habits may start to change.
Let them find something beyond the now and something you can both work towards.
COMPROMISE
Step 4:
Like I’ve said before, you can’t cut them out of the process. Respect is key when in a marriage. Yes they won’t be perfect at first, but allow them to make decisions when going over the books.
One of the first things you can both compromise on is how much is spent in a month towards the “Blow Category.” The Blow Category in the budget allows you have a certain amount of money to spend on yourself in a month. You can choose to participate in it or not, but if they have one then it gives them the option to save the money one month so they can purchase something they really want later on. Again, it’s reinforcing them making smarter decisions on their purchases and how they save and spend.
Also, a lot of the time we’re going to need a bit of space from saving, so this helps your partner not give up on the dream they’re working towards.
Step 5:
This probably sounds like the simplest step, but it’s definitely a challenge. You need to support your spouse through their journey of creating better spending habits. I don’t just mean not blowing up at them when they end up blowing the budget. I mean, helping them with it.
Sometimes your partner isn’t going to want you to give advice or drop hints, it might feel like nagging. Instead, suggest wallet-friendly date ideas when they want to go out. Celebrate the money saving or debt reducing milestones that come up.
You can also talk about having automatic withdrawals of a certain percentage from your paychecks that go into a savings account for the goal or dream you’re working towards. If they’re fine with this, it’ll help them spend less when they know that there’s less on the card.
Step 6:
Be open with them if there’s something they want to purchase. Again, compromise.
Ask them if they can wait two weeks to purchase whatever it is that they want. Usually, after two weeks, the influence and interest of the item they want will drop.
Or you can allow it but let them know that it’ll take away from next month’s Blow Category. That is if you’ve both decided to set up the category in your budget.
Join my EXCLUSIVE email list for money saving and making hacks!
Here I'll give you some of the best tips and hacks I have for making and saving money.
So whether you want to increase your income, get out of debt, or just some simple saving tips, I've got you covered!
In the end, it’s all about creating better habits and knowing that it’s a learning process. The two of you are working towards a better financial future as well as a better marriage. This is why it’s so important to support and respect them during the learning stage. Then you can grow together instead of grow apart when frustrations arise.
I hope these steps were helpful for you, but if there was something that wasn’t answered or you have some tips of your own, let me know in the comments below or email me! I’d be glad to get back to you and hear you out or even create a response post.
Chasing Foxes was started in 2016 as a way for Grace and her husband, Silas, to start traveling. However, they started to realize that they had a passion for improving themselves, and wanted to help others level up their lives as well. So whether it's with cooking, travel, or staying healthy, they want to help you better your life bit by bit, as they do the same.