I kind of love making people cringe (and also laugh) with corny jokes.
It’s a great way to entertain your friends or family with funny puns or have them role their eyes with a cheesy punchline.
Also, stupid jokes are one of my favorite things; I’ve gotten to see fun humor get passed from one person to the next. So think your best friend to you, or your grandpa to your dad. It’s a good way to connect over something hilarious and pass it on.
You don’t even need to be a professional comedian to get people laughing, you just need a few funny puns and horribly good one-liners.
And if you like to make people chuckle or laugh so hard they cry, then these are some of the best corny jokes you can probably try.
Best Corny Jokes Ever
1. What did the horse say after it tripped?
Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!
2. What did the shy pebble say?
I wish I was a little boulder.
3. I quit my job at the helium factory today.
I refuse to be spoken to in that tone of voice.
4. I went to a great wedding the other week.
It was so emotional, even the cake was in tiers.
5. What do you get when a cow jumps over a barbed wire fence?
An utter disaster!
6. What washes up on tiny beaches?
Microwaves!
7. Why did the stoplight turn red?
Because it was embarrassed to be changing in the middle of the street!
8. Did you know milk is the fastest liquid ever?
It’s pasteurized before you even see it!
9. I’ve got a joke about a tortilla…
but I think it might be a little too corny.
10. Hey, there was a pirate selling corn down at the farmers market.
Twas a buck-an-ear!
11. What do you call a line of rabbits walking backwards?
A receding hare line.
12. What do you call a fish doctor?
A sturgeon!
13. What do you call a nosy pepper?
One who’s jalepeño business.
14. A priest, a rabbi, and a muslim walk into a bar.
The bartender says “Hey, what is this, some kinda joke?”
15. What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator.
16. What’s a pirate’s favorite fast food restaurant?
Arrrrby’s!!
17. What do you call a programmer with a cold?
A hacker!
18. Why aren’t vampires ever invited to parties?
They suck the life out of everyone.
19. What’s a ghost’s favourite kind of store?
A boooootique!
20. Did you hear about the camping trip?
It was intense.
21. What do you call a knife that’s smart?
Sharp!
22. You want to hear a cat joke?
Nah, I was just kitten.
23. What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?
You’re too young to smoke.
24. What did the shy pebble want to be?
A little boulder.
25. Why did the t.v go to the beach?
It wanted to go channel surfing!
26. Wanna hear a painful joke?
A man walks into a bar.
27. What do Wall Street bankers and Nebraskan farmers have in common?
They both make most of their money from the stalk market.
28. Did you hear about the cheese factory that blew up?
All that was left was da brie.
29. Who is bigger: Mr. Bigger or Mr. Bigger’s baby?
The baby, because she’s a little bigger.
30. Wanna hear a truck joke?
It’s only semi-funny.
31. Why do graveyards have fences?
Because people are dying to get in!
32. Did you hear about the guy who lost the entire left side of his body?
He’s all right now.
33. Why did the tomato turn red?
Because it saw the salad dressing!
34. Why didn’t Discovery Channel let the koalas be part of bear week?
Because they don’t meet the koalafications!
35. Why wouldn’t the shrimp share his food?
Because he was a little shellfish!
36. Did you hear about the restaurant on the Moon?
Great food, but no atmosphere.
37. The guitarist passed out on stage.
He must have rocked himself to sleep!
38. Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
They don’t have the guts!
39. Why did the skeleton go to the party alone?
Because he had no BODY to go with him!
40. Why was the computer cold?
It left its Windows open!
41. Why were Donald and Kamala out of breath?
Because they were running for office.
42. What is the most popular car for eggs?
A YOLKSwagen.
43. Why was the frog hopping around the hotel?
Because he was the bellhop!
44. Why was the water bed so bouncy?
Because it had SPRING water.
45. Why are spiders the smartest animals?
Because they know about everything on the web!
46. Why did the computer go to the doctor?
It had a virus!
47. What did the wall say to the other wall?
I’ll meet you in the corner!
48. Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
Because it felt crummy!
49. Why did Stanley eat his homework?
Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake!
50. Where do the flowers sleep at night?
In a flowerbed.
51. What do you call a condescending bear?
A pan-duh!
52. Why was the chicken staring at the romaine lettuce?
Because chicken sees a salad!
53. What does a hummingbird do when it doesn’t know the lyrics to a song?
It hums!
54. How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow?
The cow is the udder one.
55. What do you call a snowman with a six-pack?
An ABS-dominal snowman!
56. What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investi-GATOR!
57. Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was TWO-tired!
58. What do you call a bull that is sleeping?
A bulldozer!
59. What do you call a bear that lost its teeth?
A gummy bear!
60. Which pepper is the best at archery?
The habanero!
61. What vegetables do sailors hate most?
Leeks!
62. What state does the hippie’s wife live in?
Mississippi!
63. What did the astronomer’s wife say about his Orion’s belt?
That it’s a big WAIST of space!
64. How did the blind woman fall in the well?
She couldn’t see that well!
65. What did the nut say to the other nut when they were playing tag?
Imma cashew!
66. Why did the neurologist break up with the mathematician?
Because she found him too calculating!
67. Why don’t scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything!
68. What do you call a snowman in the summer?
A puddle!
69. What do you call a fake noodle?
An im-PASTA!
70. How did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field!
71. Why do ducks get up so early?
Because they like to be up at the quack of dawn!
72. Why did the raspberry cry?
It found itself in a jam!
73. How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together!
74. Why is the math book sad?
Because it had too many problems!
75. Why is the mushroom always invited to the party?
Because he’s a fungi!
76. How do you organize a space party?
You planet!
77. What do you call a fish that wears a bowtie?
SoFISHticated!
78. How did the cat couple get over their big fight?
They hissed and made up.
79. What did the cake say to fork in the fight?
Do you want a piece of this?
80. What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?
Give me my quarterback.
81. How do rabbits travel?
By hareplanes.
82. Why was the math teacher suspicious of 5, 7, 9?
They just seemed odd!
83. Why does a chicken coop only have two doors?
If it had four doors it would be called a chicken sedan.
84. Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella?
For drizzle!
85. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
SUPPLIES!
86. What do you call a cow that plays an instrument?
A MOO-sician!
87. Have you heard about the corduroy pillow?
It’s making headlines!
88. Why didn’t Elsa get a balloon?
Because she’d LET IT GO!
89. What do sea monsters eat?
Fish and ships.
90. Why did the restaurant hire a pig?
He was good at bacon.
91. How do you catch a squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a nut!
92. Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they always use honeycombs!
93. What do cows most like to read?
Cattle-logs.
94. Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?
Because it was already stuffed!
95. What do you call a cold puppy?
A chili dog.
96. Why do elephants never use computers?
They’re afraid of the mouse!
97. Where does the electric cord go to shop?
An outlet mall.
98. Why did the football player hire a lawyer?
He needed help with his defense.
99. Why did the police arrest the turkey?
They suspected foul play.
100. Why don’t oysters share their pearls?
Because they’re shellfish!
101. Why can’t you trust chemists?
Periodically, they’re wrong.
102. Why shouldn’t pigs drive?
They hog the road.
103. What do you call a bear with no ears?
B!
104. How do you make an octopus laugh?
With ten-tickles!
105. Why are frogs are so happy?
They eat whatever bugs them.
106. Why did the mortician clock out of work early?
He was dying to leave.
107. When is a door not a door?
When it’s ajar.
108. What did the banana say to the dog?
Nothing, bananas can’t talk!
109. Why did the pasta go to the dermatologist?
It had a big ziti.
110. Why did the skunk take out a loan?
Because he only had one scent.
111. What is a balloon’s least favorite kind of music?
Pop.
112. Why don’t melons get married?
Because they cantaloupe.
113. What did one avocado say to the other?
You guac my world.
114. What do you call a dinosaur that’s sleeping?
A dino-snore!
115. Two kittens had a big fight.
It was a cat-tastrophe.
116. Why did the pony ask for a glass of water?
It was a little horse.
117. Why did the chicken join a band?
Because it had the drumsticks!
118. What did one plate say to the other plate?
Lunch is on me!
119. Why was the broom late?
It swept in!
120. What did one hat say to the other?
You stay here. I’ll go on ahead.
121. I used to own a taser.
It was stunning.
122. Did you hear about the evil hen?
It lays deviled eggs.
123. What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter?
An irrelephant!
124. How did the phone propose to his girlfriend?
He gave her a ring.
125. How do bees get to school?
They ride the school buzz.
126. What do you call a factory that makes good products?
A satisfactory!
127. Why did the kid bring a ladder to school?
Because he wanted to go to high school!
128. How does a scientist freshen her breath?
With experi-mints!
129. Which king loved to do fractions?
Henry the 8th.
130. Why are ghosts bad liars?
Because you can see right through them!
131. Why can’t you trust the king of the jungle?
Because he’s always lion.
132. What’s the best way to watch a fly fishing tournament?
Live stream!
133. Did you hear about the math teacher that plowed a field?
He used a pro-tractor.
134. Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating?
Because they have no body to go with!
135. What did the farmer say after he lost his tractor?
Where’s my tractor?
136. Where do polar bears keep their money?
In a snow bank.
137. What did the yoga instructor say when her landlord tried to evict her?
Namaste.
138. What do you call a magician that looses his magic?
Ian!
139. Why was the belt charged with?
Holding up a pair of pants.
140. What happens when a nose is 12 inches long?
It becomes a foot.
141. Why did the worker at the rubber band factory get mad?
I don’t know, he just snapped!
142. What do you call a dinosaur that’s a noisy eater?
A chompasaurus!
143. Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay?
Because then they would be bagels!
144. I don’t like facial hair, but it’s starting to grow on me.
145. What do you call a fly without wings?
A walk!
146. What kind of shoes do frogs wear?
Open toad.
147. What do you call a belt made of watches?
A waist of time!
148. Why did the stadium get hot after the game?
All of the fans left!
149. What did the baby corn say to the mama corn?
Where’s popcorn?
150. Why can’t you trust stairs?
They’re always up to something!
151. Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
Because they lactose!
152. Why were the fish’s grades bad?
They were below sea level.
153. Why did the music teacher go to jail?
Because her notes were too sharp!
154. Why do vampires always seem sick?
They’re always coffin!
155. How does the ocean say goodbye?
It waves!
156. Why did the picture go to jail?
It was framed!
157. What month of the year has 28 days?
All of them.
158. Why shouldn’t you trust artists?
They can be sketchy.
159. What kind of shoes do breadsticks wear?
Loafers.
160. Why did the boy throw a stick of butter out the window?
He wanted to see a butterfly.
161. What did Benjamin Franklin say after discovering electricity?
“I’m shocked!”
162. Did you read the book about anti-gravity?
You can’t put it down.
163. Did you hear about the Italian cook who had an accident?
He pasta way.
164. What do you call banana peel shoes?
Slippers.
165. Did you hear about dry cleaner who got arrested?
He was laundering money.
166. Why did the cowboy get a dachshund?
Someone told him to “Get-a-long-little-doggie”.
167. What’s a zucchini’s favorite sport?
Squash.
168. Where does Wonder Woman go shopping?
At the supermarket.
169. Why did the cookie cry?
Because its mother was a wafer (away for) so long!
170. Why do ducks have feathers?
To cover their butt quacks!
171. How do you make a lemon drop?
Just let it fall!
172. Did you hear about the skeleton beauty contest?
No body won.
173. Why did the car take a nap?
It was tired!
174. What does corn say when it gets a compliment?
Aw shucks!
175. What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef!
176. Why don’t you ever see elephants hiding in trees?
Because they’re so good at it!
177. Why did the chicken go to the seance?
To talk to the other side!
178. What do you call a dog that can do magic?
A labracadabrador!
179. What kind of music do mummies listen to?
Wrap music.
180. Why did the battery go on vacation?
He needed to recharge.
181. What kind of ghost has the best hearing?
The eeriest.
182. Why was the broom late to work?
It over-swept.
183. How does Darth Vader prefer his toast?
On the dark side.
184. What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A necktarine!
185. Why did the man put his money in the blender?
Because he wanted to make some liquid assets!
186. Why don’t software engineers like nature?
It has too many bugs!
187. What did the tomato say to the other tomato during a race?
Bet you can’t ketchup.
188. What do you call a cat that loves to bowl?
An alley cat!
189. How do you stop a bull from charging?
Cancel its credit card.
190. Why couldn’t the pirate learn the alphabet?
Because he got lost at C.
191. Why did the robber jump in the tub?
He wanted to make a clean getaway.
192. Why do people say “break a leg” when you go on stage?
Because every play has a cast.
193. Why did the coffee file a police report?
It got mugged!
194. What’s a skeleton’s least favorite room in the house?
The living room!
195. Why did the orange stop in the middle of the road?
It ran out of juice!
196. How did the barber win the race?
He knew a shortcut.
197. Why are computers so angry?
Because they need to vent.
198. If athletes get athlete’s foot, what do elves get?
Mistle-toes.
199. What do you call it when Batman skips church?
Christian Bale.
200. Why don’t eggs tell jokes?
Because they might crack up!
201. Where can you buy soup in bulk?
The stock market.
202. Why did the man get hit by a bike every day?
He was stuck in a vicious cycle.
203. Why did the farmer get a new tractor?
She was tired of working in the field!
204. Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pen?
Because it’s pointless.
205. Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don’t work!
206. Why can’t you trust duck doctors?
They’re all quacks.
207. What do you call a man that irons clothes?
Iron Man.
208. What do you call a sad coffee?
A depresso!
209. Why did the valedictorian wear sunglasses?
Because her future was too bright!
210. What did the bartender say to the clam chowder when it tried to order dinner?
“Sorry, we don’t serve food here.”
211. What do you do with a sick boat?
Take it to the doc.
212. What did the elevator say when it sneezed?
I think I’m coming down with something.
213. What did the grape say when it got stepped on?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
214. What did the coffee say to the sugar?
You make life sweet!
215. Why does a tiger have stripes?
So that he can never be spotted!
216. What does a dogwood tree look like?
You have to look at the bark!
217. Why do sprinters not eat breakfast?
Because they fast.
218. Which flowers are the best kissers?
Tu-lips.
219. Why aren’t there casinos in the jungle?
Too many cheetahs.
220. What toy likes to steal from you when you’re in the bath?
A robber ducky.
221. What tree is small enough to fit into your hand?
A palm tree!
222. What did the duck say when it went shopping?
Just put it on my bill.
223. Why didn’t the kids like the pig?
Because she always hog the toys.
Grace Moser is the owner and founder of Chasing Foxes, where she writes articles to help women create a life they love in big and small ways. She's been a full-time traveler since 2016 and loves sharing her experiences and exploring the world with her husband, Silas. Her lifestyle and travel advice can also be seen on sites such as Business Insider, Glamour, Newsweek, Huffpost, & Apartment Therapy.