How to Maintain Your Friendships: 8 Ways to Keep the Bonds Strong

Maintaining the friendships I thought were bullet proof has proven to be more of a challenge than I realized.

Because when you travel full-time and your life and their lives are changing every single year, sometimes it can be easy to disconnect.

You’re busy with work, they’re keeping up with their busy lives, children are being born, and it feels so much harder to find time to hop on a call.

But I’ve also learned that putting in the effort to value the friendships I have and building a community is essential.

It’s been shown in a study that people with close friends were less likely to suffer from depression and were more satisfied in life. And when reading the Australian Longitudinal Study of Aging, I also found that having close adult friendships was associated with increased longevity.

So making sure to keep a healthy mindset around community and friendships is non-negotiable.

Also, I really am so much happier when I have friends to support, share life with, and celebrate amazing milestones together. Letting life get in the way of that isn’t something I can allow.

And while I have talked about how to make friends in the past, I’ll now be focusing on how to maintain those friendships and keep them strong. These ideas and advice will help you in strengthening your bonds for years to come.

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1. Make Sure You’re Not Just Taking

As Amber S. Pence said in her poem, “Forever Friends,” “We hate to see each other in a bind. “

And while I think you know that relationships are about give and take, I still think it’s important to remind yourself of this because you’re human. It’s so easy to be the taker in a relationship.

And if you have childhood trauma or certain bad habits, this can make it more likely that you’ll take a lot more than you give.

So when you enter a friendship, it’s important to remember that you need to make sure you’re putting the focus on them. Be grateful for where they give to you, show your gratitude, and in turn do the same for them.

Go into a relationship with the mindset of being a mindful giver and making your friend feel taken care of.

Pro Tip: Also, find ways to make them feel special! Send them some snail mail, surprise them at work with a coffee, or find some poems for friends and message them one that really speaks to you.

2. Communicate with Them

One of the best ways for a relationship to die is to not communicate.

Or communicate after you’ve held in strong emotions for way too long. Because by that point, you’ve built up enough resentment and will probably say something you’ll regret.

So make a commitment in the beginning that you’ll both communicate when something comes up.

And stick to that commitment even when it feels very uncomfortable. It’s easy to say you’ll do something when things feel good, but you need to push yourself out of your comfort zone when problems do arise.

3. Make Time for Your Friends

Remember, relationships aren’t just about you.

And I’m not saying that you should always do whatever your friends want or need, and forget about taking care of yourself.

What I am saying is that it’s a great idea to make sure you’re being mindful to make time for them.

If they ask if you want to hang out next week and you’re unsure, figure it out and see if you can move things around in your schedule.

It really is a great way to maintain your friendship, show them that they matter, and bond over new memories.

4. Regularly Commit to Something on Your Calendar

If you find yourself struggling to be consistent when it comes to hanging out with your friends, then try making regular commitments to meet up with them.

So maybe you might have three or four different times on your monthly calendar where you meet up with friends.

It really is a good way to make sure that those closest to you don’t get put on the back burner.

5. Learn How to Categorize Friends

Sometimes when you’re building up your community of friendships and connections, it’s easy to get confused with how to handle certain people.

Maybe one friend is super fun to be around, but they always arrives around 1-2 hour late.

Or maybe another friend is very pleasant to hang out with, but they aren’t the best at giving life advice.

Not everyone is going to be the perfect friend that you need.

So instead of cutting people out right away, you might want to consider re-categorizing them and understanding how to deal with their personality type.

So for that friend who’s always late, you can put her in the category of friends you like to hang out with, but will probably hang out with less often.

Or for the friend who isn’t the best at giving advice for life circumstances, she’s just a friend who you hang out with and have fun. You don’t go to her for solutions, you find other friends who can fit that role.

In the end, you just need to learn how to be grateful for the good aspects of certain people, be patient, and find those who you can really connect with on a deeper level.

6. Be Present

Make sure that whoever you’re with, you’re giving them your undivided attention.

Put the phone away and show them that you’re present. Show them that you care that they’re in your life and you want to be there for them.

I know that it sounds like a no-brainer, but sometimes it’s the obvious things that we tend to forget. Or maybe we just need to grow in intentionality, and that’s perfectly fine!

7. Show Up for Your Friends

Make sure you’re showing up for your friends, and especially when it matters most.

Whether you’re supporting them by showing up to their event, listening and helping them through a work situation, being there for them at a time of loss, or helping them reach a goal, you can’t ignore them.

Being intentional to make time for them and showing up for their milestones, accomplishments, and problems can really help cement your friendship.

Also, think about how you would want to be treated in your relationships. What kind of life events would you want them showing up for? How would you want them showing they cared?

8. Set Expectations

Relationships are all about setting expectations.

If you’re finding yourself too busy to connect for a couple of weeks because of a work project, or you’re dealing with personal family issues, then let your friends know.

Tell them what’s going on and when you might be able to get back into a regular rhythm of messaging and hanging out.

This gets rid of any misunderstandings and helps them know that you’re not just blowing them off.