19 [Truly] Helpful Ways to Make Friends as an Adult

Learning how to make friends as an adult can be so hard.

You meet someone, you think you click, and then they ghost you. Or sometimes the process is just a bit too awkward.

Trust me, I’ve been there so many times.

It’s not like when you or I were kids where there were no walls up, and we could just run up to each other on the playground and ask, “Hey, you wanna play together.” And then suddenly you’re friends. 

Nope. Now things feel more complicated when it comes to making friends as an adult.

You have a job, you might have had bad experiences which make you wary, and you’ve also built up some bad beliefs about yourself.

But it doesn’t have to be complicated, and it can actually be a great way to level up in your own life.

I’ve been traveling full-time since 2016, so I’ve had quite a few experiences of making friends around the world (and learning what to avoid as well).

It isn’t always easy, but there are methods and things you can do to make it easier.

So here are some ideas that’ll make the process of making adult friends a bit simpler for you!

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Why It’s Important to Make Friends as an Adult – 8 Reasons

I think it’s good to understand why it’s important to make friends as an adult before I get into how to make or keep friends.

So here are a few great reasons!

1. You Deserve Better

There are so many good things in life that you deserve, and I believe that good (not dumb and toxic) friends are one of them.

There is no need for you to waste time on people who don’t care about you.

So using any of the tips and advice I give down below, is a great way to make this part of your life work for you, and make you happier in the long run. ♥️

2. Adult Friendships Can Help You Live Longer

It was found in the Australian Longitudinal Study of Aging

EditSign, that you were more likely to outlive others if you had a lot of close friendships. So even if you had close relationships with children, other relatives, or just a small amount of friends, that didn’t really make a difference.

So in the end, it’s necessary to seek out a wide community of people who help you grow as a person, but also where you can find deep and meaningful connections.

3. You’re Not Alone in Your Thoughts

I’ve always struggled with getting out of my head, and taking control of my emotions and concerns.

But it’s kind of crazy that when you just talk to someone, suddenly, those beliefs don’t seem so big. 

When your friend listens to you, you can start understanding where you’re not seeing things right, and find solutions to your problems.

Plus, your friends can help you out with those solutions, and offer ideas and perspectives you would never have thought about. 

4. Friends Help You During Hard Times

Going through hard times is already difficult, but what makes it harder is when you’re doing it alone.

Sitting in your emotions really doesn’t do anything to help your mental or physical health.

But friends are such a great way of getting through hard times.

They listen to you, they get you out of your head, they encourage you, and they offer advice if they’ve been through the same thing.

It’s so important to surround yourself with a community of good people so that you can heal so much faster.

5. Adult Friendships Help You Cope with Stress

In a study, it was shown that people who had positive social experiences, were impacted with their ability to cope with stress, and stress levels.

So if you’re going through a lot, then it’s a great idea to start reaching out to your current friends (or make new ones). Don’t isolate yourself.

And even if you’re not, I still think it’s good to have a strong social network so that when hard times do come, you’re ready and not alone.

6. They Keep You Grounded to Your Values

It can be easy in life, as different things happen to you, to lose sight of your core values. The values you have grounded yourself in that make you a better person. Things like patience, humility, compassion, or even courage.

But, if you’re filling up your life with people who have similar values to you, then they can see when you’re not being the person you want to be.

And then they can encourage you to get back to where you were.

7. Friends Make You Aware of Things That Need to Change

When you’re not connected with anyone, it’s so easy to be completely unaware of the bad habits, or beliefs, that need to change.

You often get into a place where you think, “Well this is just how I am.” But it’s not true, you are not your bad habits, or thoughts. 

Bad habits and beliefs are changeable, they are not apart of you.

And good friends who communicate with you, in a healthy way, show you things you might not have been aware of.

8. Adult Friendships Are Actually Good for Your Heart’s Health

Another great reason for expanding your adult friend circle!

I think that you should find every reason to take care of your health, and that includes your heart health.

In a study, it was shown that people who had a better social integration, had better heart health than those who didn’t.

There are so many ways friendships can help you out; isn’t it amazing?

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How to Make Friends as an Adult

When you’re learning how to make friends as an adult, it can be very intimidating to put yourself out there. But, I just want you to know that you can do it!

I completely believe in you, and I hope that the advice I give down below helps you in making some incredible friends in the very near future. 😊

1. Get Rid of All Scripts That Say You’re Not Worthy of Connection

An important thing you can do is get rid of anything that tells you that you’re not worthy of good friends, or that people are unsafe.

We all come from different backgrounds, and some more sad than others. Parents and others around us growing up, shape and mold our beliefs about ourselves. And because of this, it’s up to us to change anything that doesn’t serve us.

So think about the kind of negative beliefs you have about yourself, and others. Then, find ways to change your thinking. So for instance, you could try out positive affirmations, or go to a counselor.

2. Have a Growth Mindset

Whether you’ve just moved to a new city, or you just want new friends, it’s important to have a growth mindset.

I know that it can be easy to get comfortable with the friends you already have, and not want to put in more effort.

But when you open yourself up to new people, you can see it as a great way to grow. You get to grow in finding new ways to interact with people, understanding new perspectives, and new interests. It’s a great way to challenge yourself!

3. Know That It’s Going to Be Awkward Sometimes… And That’s Ok

I think one of the best things you can do is to know that yes, it might be awkward, and then choose not to care.

Like yes, it’s gonna happen, and you don’t need to be scared of it. Just embrace it; it is what it is. And once you get past that hurdle, then I think putting yourself out there and making friends is going to be a lot easier.

You’re going to get rid of that unnecessary stress and be a lot more relaxed when it comes to making friends.

4. Lead With Curiosity and Make It About Them

When I met a good friend of mine, at a small group meeting, I complimented her on being so outgoing. It really did impress me. 

And what she told me made me change how I treated others. She said that she had struggled with social anxiety for a long time, but when she decided to make it about the other person, it took the focus off her fears, and made it about them.

When you’re not so focused on your feelings, but you’re more focused on how the other person is feeling, and making them feel comfortable, then things can flow a lot more smoothly.

5. Be the Confident Version of Yourself

I used to struggle a lot with social anxiety, but here’s one thing that helped me out immensely with my confidence.

Back in 2013, I started to ask myself, “What would the Facebook me do?”

I noticed that I was a lot more outgoing online, so I decided to get myself into that mindset when I was going to a party, and meeting new people for the first time.

It worked, and I made new friends, simple as that. 🙂

6. Create a Life You Enjoy

Start doing things for you!

Start doing things that make you happy, and that fulfill your life.

Don’t try to put yourself in activities you know you’re going to hate.

Join groups and events that excite you!

When you’re filling your life up with different things you enjoy, and getting yourself out there, you’re going to start meeting people who like the same things as you.

7. Compliment Them

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“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

– Maya Angelou

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This is honestly so true. I can’t count the amount of times someone said, or did, something that made me either feel really good or really bad. And that’s what I remembered.

I think one of the most important things you can do, when it comes to making friends, is to do anything you can to make them feel good. And giving them compliments is a great way to do this.

When you (genuinely) compliment someone, I’ve found that it can open things up for a real conversation.

8. Push Through the Awkward First Meeting and Get to the Next One

Even if things don’t go smoothly, or you’re not so sure about this person, try hanging out with them a second or third time.

People have their guard up the first time you meet, you don’t get to see all of them. They’re feeling uncomfortable too!

So just make sure to ask them to meet up again and set a date and place. I’ve found that I’ve made great friends doing this, so I promise you, it really does work!

9. Make the Second Meeting About Them

Another good way I’ve solidified a good friendship was to simply listen to their interests, and make the second meeting about that.

So for instance, I had some friends who mentioned that they liked Asian food, so my husband and I offered to meet up with them at a really good dim sum restaurant for Lunar New Year (a few days later). 

Basically, you get the next meeting in, plus you’re making it about them and making them want to get to know you better, and being excited for the next meeting.

10. Commit to Making an Effort

If you’re already having a conversation with someone, maybe a person you met at a coffee shop or a neighbor, and you see that you have a similar interest (or they just seem really nice), take it further.

Invite them to hang out, or invite them to do a shared interest like exploring new cuisines.

Do it on a whim and don’t overthink it!

That’s how I made good friends with a LARGE group in college!

Here’s how it happened:

1. I was getting tea at the college campus cafe.
2. While putting some sugar in my tea, another girl who was also getting a drink asked me my name, talked to me for a bit, then said, “Hey, do you want to hang out with us?”
3. I hung out with them; they were all very easy going and good people.
4. Then later on, multiple people in that group introduced me to other friend groups they were apart of, and then suddenly I had friends all around the campus! 😂 

But it all started with one person deciding to get out of their comfort zone and asking me to hang out.

Now imagine how many friends you could potentially meet by getting uncomfortable and asking an uncomfortable question!

11. Don’t Be Afraid to Initiate

Trust me, you’re not the only one who’s uncomfortable when it comes to making friends. So with that in mind, just know that it’s going to be on you to take the initiative a lot of the time.

So if you see someone you believe you would want to get to go know, then do something small. Give them a compliment, or do something as simple as opening the door for them while their arms are full. Or even ask them for help with something!

Show kindness and helpfulness and it might bring you both to a point where you can initiate a hang out.

12. Get Rid of Any Negative Beliefs You Have About Others

This one right here is SO important.

Because of the bad experiences you, and I, might have had over the years, whether from our own family or bad friends, we’ve started to build up bad beliefs about others.

We make assumptions that other people aren’t safe to get close to, or we judge them for something they really aren’t doing.

And one of the best things you can do is to figure out the bad lies you have surrounding making friends, and other people in general.

Find out where these beliefs came from. Did you mom, dad, or a bad friend teach you that connection wasn’t safe?

Then once you’ve figured out these bad thought patterns, take time to think about the good things you want to believe instead, and start replacing those old thoughts with good new ones. 

This is so important to do because if you don’t get rid of them, you’ll end up making friends with someone, and then subconsciously start doing things to push them away. I’ve been there before and it’s a horrible feeling!

Important: If this is very hard for you to overcome, then it might be a good idea to see a counselor. They can help!

13. Try New Activities That Get You Out of Your Comfort Zone

Look at different groups in your area. Are there activities or things you’ve never done before?

Push yourself to get into something new. This isn’t just a good way to grow yourself as a person (which is also a great thing!), but it’s also expanding your horizons when it comes to making friends.

You’re widening that, “Friend Flow,” I discussed earlier.

14. Say Yes (Even When You’re Unsure)

If someone asks you to hang out, just say yes.

Go for it.

If the other person ends up not being someone you like, then it’s fine. You don’t have to hang out with them again.

Or if a family member, or someone you’re already friends with, asks you if want to attend something, say yes to this too!

This will help expand your opportunities for making adult friends, and meeting new people.

15. Be Vulnerable

When you’re making friends, it can be scary to get vulnerable, and go deep with them.

I mean, what if they stop talking to you, because they realize that they don’t really like you?

But it’s important to realize that yes, rejection will happen; it happens to everyone. Not everyone is compatible with each other.

So see making friends, and being vulnerable and open with who you really are, as a long term game.

If you know that you’re in it for the long run, then you’re going to find people along the way who are compatible with you. They will like who you really are, and you’ll like who they really are!

If you already have one friend where you live, then let them know that you’d like to make more friends.

Be open and honest with them.

Then ask them if they’d be willing to set up a get-together between you, them, and maybe one or two other people. Keep it small so it’s not overwhelming.

I feel like this can be an easier way of making friends since you and this new person have something in common; you’re both mutual friends with the person that set up the date.

Also, your friend can be the helping hand you need to make conversation flow.

17. Tap Into Your Community

Don’t overlook local events that are happening in your own community.

It’s a great way to meet new people and get plugged into what’s happening in the area you live.

So if there’s an event at a local coffee house, music festival, farmer’s market, a play, or anything else where you can potentially mingle, then this is a great option!

18. Be Patient and Keep a Positive Outlook

I just want you to know that it’s ok if a friendship doesn’t happen right away.

This isn’t something you have to hate yourself for.

You’re a beautiful and good person, and the right people are going to find you. It’s going to happen if you keep on putting yourself out there.

You will figure it out.

I guess think of it this way. Let’s say you’re working on making a really complicated French recipe. I know that sounds random, but sometimes they can take a LONG time to make (because they have a lot of steps), but the end results are incredible!

So you’re making this recipe, you’re putting a lot of hard work and time into it, you put it in the oven, and then the final step begins. Waiting for it to finish cooking.

Would you, after all of your hard work, take that recipe out of the oven too early? Yes, it can be hard to wait longer, but you actually want to enjoy the beautiful thing you created.

It’s the same thing with friends. You don’t want to rush into a friendship with someone that seems like they might be toxic. But you also don’t want to give up because the right people haven’t shown up just yet.

Take your time, know that it will happen, and know that you’re a good person and you’re worthy of good friends. ❤️ 

19. Consider Counseling

There might be beliefs or habits that are holding you back from making friends.

Sometimes you might be aware of them, and sometimes you might not be aware of them at all.

And counselors can be great at helping you explore where certain beliefs or ways of acting came from.

They help you get to the root of things so that you can uproot those bad beliefs that are keeping you from getting close to others.

Healthline also goes over some important key factors so that you can have success in finding the right counselor. I’d check it out, it’s good to not waste your time or money on someone who doesn’t want to really help.

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Places to Make Friends as an Adult

When you’re figuring out places to make friends as an adult, I think it’s important to take on the concept of, “The Friend Flow.”

Instead of staying in, or doing the things you normally do in the week, you are going to change that.

You’re going to find as MANY things possible to put yourself in the flow of constantly meeting new people. And these new people might become friends.

It’s easy to say, “Well, I just have a hard time making friends,” which can definitely be true. But sometimes, you might not always do everything you can to put yourself in a place where friendship can happen.

So putting yourself into The Friend Flow is going to make it so that you’re more likely to meet people, and build good friendships.

And down below are some great tried, tested, and certified ways you can do just that! 🙂

1. Facebook Groups for Your Local Area

I’ve met some of my closest friends on local Facebook groups and here’s how you do it.

Find a Facebook group that’s dedicated to locals (or even non-locals) in your area.

So for instance, you can type in your local town, city, or county, and then look under the groups section and see what’s available. Or you can get more specific and type in the name of the city, town, or county and then add in a specific word like, “artists,” “women,” “locals,” etc.

Then, once you’ve done this, you can join and ask the group if there’s anyone who wants to hang out and get a cup of coffee or go out to eat.

Maybe even make it more specific to an interest and say something like, “Hey, I’d love to hang out with anyone who’s into hiking,” and then fill in the rest.

I’ve made two incredible friends this way, so it has definitely been done, no theory here!

2. Small Groups and Other Religious Events

This is a great method for anyone, and it’s also worked for me.

I have two incredible friends I met in a small group at a local church.

I didn’t even end up staying at that church, but they’re both still my best friends to this day, and we talk throughout the month.

And beyond small groups, there are other options as well!

So you could look for volunteer ministries at your church, study groups, music events, and other times when you’d be able to meet new people.

3. Couchsurfing.net

This one sounds weird, but you have to trust me here (and no, you don’t need to sleep on someone’s couch).

Couch Surfing is a site where people post their couch, or spare bedroom, to stay in for free in different cities or towns around the world. And the cool thing about the people who host free spaces is that they’re already up for making friends.

People only host others for free if they want to meet new people and put themselves out there.

So here’s what you do: Check out multiple people’s profiles in your area, see if their bio sounds like someone you would actually want to hang out with, and then message them. 

Say something like, “Hey, I don’t need a couch to sleep on, but I would love to hang out and get to know you! In your profile, I saw that you were into {insert hobby or interest} and have been to {X countries}. You seem like a really cool person, so I’d love to buy you a coffee and talk!”

I’ve made a very good friend in Norway like this, and I know that it can be done elsewhere too!

4. Specifically Take Classes at a Gym

Yes, you could get a gym membership, show up everyday to workout, and hope that you’ll start talking to someone.

But here’s why I think it would be better if you took an actual fitness class.

You and the people in your class are all working on something specific, so you have one point you can already relate on.

So maybe after one of the sessions, you start talking to another person in the group, and ask them what they think of the class.

It’s a small way to start a connection, but either you will strike up a good conversation right then, or it will be the starting point of a potential friendship later on.

5. Join a Local or Virtual Book Club

Book clubs can be a great option for meeting new people and making new friends!

So you could look to your local bookshop, library, or search online for book clubs in your area.

But you could also do a virtual book club if you’re busy! There’s a site called Bookclubs which has different online book clubs that you can join, and I honestly think that’s pretty cool!

6. Sign Up for a Class or Workshop

I feel like this one is a bit cliche, but it does need to be said.

Classes and workshops are a genuinely good place to make friends.

Just like with the gym class ideas above, you are all working on something together, which gives you common ground.

And it also gives you a good jumping off point for a conversation with someone. If you’re both taking part in the same thing, then you can both talk about your individual experiences.

Also, if you notice this other person doing great in the class or workshop, compliment them! You don’t necessarily have to start a conversation with them (you can if you want to!), but it does get them feeling good emotions towards you. They’ll remember you next time, and in the end, we all feel good about someone who compliments us!

And then eventually, it might lead to more conversations down the road, and then to a friendship.

7. Volunteer for a Non-Profit in Your Area

Volunteering can be a great way to meet people who also share the same passions as you.

So whether you want to serve and help in orphanages, or take care of animals, you can find like minded people to connect with!

8. Try a Friendship Meeting Platforms Like Bumble BFF, Meetup, or Hey!Vina

I know that I talked about using Couchsurfing.net to find friends, but there are also plenty of other great options out there!

So online spaces like Bumble BFF, Meetup, or Hey!Vina can be a great place to start.

Also, it gets rid of a bit of the anxiety involved in going to events to meet new people, if that makes you nervous.

Other Activities for Finding Friends

• Cooking classes.
• Crafting workshops.
• Join a work committee.
• Join your church’s choir.
• Pilates.
• Hiking groups.
• Other outdoor groups like surfing, biking, running, etc.
• Groups that like to explore the local food scene.
• Groups for entrepreneurs.
• Host a party and ask current friends to invite their friends. Or just ask friendly neighbors to come on over for some good food.
• Cultural events.
• Toastmasters or other speaking clubs.
• Dance classes.

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Making Adult Friends as a Parent

I know that making adult friends as a parent can be a lot more challenging.

You’re a very busy person doing some very important things, so I’m more than happy to help give you different ideas when it comes to make friends!

1. Parenting Groups

If you have kids, then this one is a great option.

There are groups where parents meet up to discuss strategies, advice, struggles, and so much more.

But it’s also a good place to meet other parents with similar views, and maybe see if they want to hang out.

Or, if you’re nervous, you could first suggest a play date where you guys will have an excuse to talk and get to know each other.

Parenting groups could potentially be found on Facebook groups, or just simply typing into Google, “Parenting groups near me.

2. Connect with Parents in Places You’re Already Going to Be

So whether it’s the park your child loves going to, a cafe, an indoor play area, or even a bookshop, try talking to another parent at that place.

Take advantage of the locations you frequent; there’s a good chance that you’re going to meet other parents who frequent those spots too!

3. Try Activities with Your Child

Try volunteering at your kid’s school and helping out with different events.

You can also join different activities like the library’s story time, or strike up conversations with other parents who are participating and encouraging their child at sports events.

4. Use Social Media for Making Friends as a Parent

A good option is to join a Facebook group for parents, or people in general, that’s dedicated to meeting up with others in your local area.

Oh, and you could also start your own Facebook group for this as well if you don’t see one.

Also, other sites like Reddit and Meetup could be a great option too!

5. Introducing Yourself to Other Parents

Without any expectations on where the conversation will go, just strike one up.

Yes, it will require you to get a bit uncomfortable, but if it ends up in the both of you having a coffee hangout or a play date, then you might just have found a very good friend.

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Making Friends as an Introvert

If you’re wondering, “How Do Introverts Make Friends as Adults?” Then trust me, you’re not alone!

I know that it can be hard to make friends if you’re introverted, so here are some ways you can start:

• Find groups online, your campus, church, or other spaces that have the same interest as you: So do you like to read books? Find a book club and be on the lookout for someone in the group who seems to have similar interests or thoughts as you. Virtual classes for things like crafts or movie clubs might also be a good option too!
• Try one new thing: Challenge yourself this month to try one new hobby, or activity. This could be in a group setting, or by yourself where you have the chance to meet new people. So maybe you sign up for art lessons this month, or cooking classes. It doesn’t have to be something that intimidates you, you just need one thing to go after.
• Try focusing on the other person: I know I talked about this above, but if you feel that you deal with social anxiety (or something similar), one of the best ways to feel less uncomfortable in a social interaction, is to focus on the other person. Focus on making them feel comfortable, and ask them questions about themselves. You might find that they’re struggling with the same thing as you!
• Change one thing in your weekly behavior. Here’s what I mean. If you normally head straight out of your class, you might want to stop and talk to that person whom you share similar opinions with in that course. Or if you usually go to a coffee house and sit alone, find another regular, and strike up a conversation with them. I know it can be uncomfortable, but just try choosing one new behavior that could put you in the way of making friends.

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7 Ways to Keep and Maintain Adult Friendships

Now that you know some ways to make friends, it’s important to learn how to actually keep them for the long haul. Because that’s why your’e making friends as adults; you want people who you can connect with for the rest of your life.

1. Make Sure That You’re Not Just Taking

I think you understand that relationships are about giving and taking, but because you and I are humans, and humans have needs, it’s so easy to be the taker in the relationship.

And if you did have childhood trauma or other bad habits, this makes it more likely that you’ll take a lot more than you give.

So when you enter a friendship, it’s important to remember that you need to make sure that you’re putting the focus on them. Be grateful for where they give to you, show your gratitude, and in turn do the same for them.

Go into a relationship with the mindset of being a mindful giver.

2. Communicate with Them

One of the best ways for a relationship to die is to not communicate.

Or communicate after you’ve held in strong emotions for way too long. Because by that point, you’ve built up enough resentment and will probably say something you’ll regret.

So make a commitment in the beginning that you both will communicate when something comes up that bothers either of you.

3. Make Time for Your Friends

Remember, relationships aren’t just about you.

And I’m not saying that you should just always do whatever your friends want or need, and forget about self-care.

What I am saying is that it’s a great idea to make sure you’re being mindful to make time for them.

If they ask you if you want to hang out next week and you’re unsure, figure it out and see if you can move things around in your schedule.

4. Regularly Commit to Something on Your Calendar

If you find yourself struggling to be consistent with making time for your friends, then try making regular commitments for meeting up with them.

So maybe you might have three or four different times, on your monthly calendar, where you meet up with friends. It really is a good way to make sure that those closest to you, don’t get put on the back burner.

5. Learn How to Categorize Friends

Sometimes when you’re building up your community of friendships and connections, it’s easy to get confused with how to handle certain people.

Maybe one friend is super fun to be around, but they always arrives around 1-2 hour late.

Or maybe another friend is very pleasant to hang out with, but they aren’t the best at giving life advice.

Not everyone is going to be the perfect friend that you need.

So instead of cutting people off right away, you might want to consider categorizing them, and understanding how to deal with them.

So for that friend who’s always late, you can put her in the category of friends you like to hang out with, but will probably hang out with less often.

Or for the friend who isn’t the best at giving advice for life circumstances, she’s just a friend who you hang out with and have fun. You don’t go to her for solutions, you find other friends who can fit that role.

In the end, you just need to learn how to be grateful for the good aspects of certain people, be patient, and find those who you can really connect with on a deeper level.

6. Be Present

Make sure that whoever you’re with, you’re giving them your undivided attention.

Put the phone away, and show them that you’re present with them. Show them that you care that they’re in your life, and you want to be there for them.

I know that it sounds like a no-brainer, but sometimes it’s the obvious things that we tend to forget. Or maybe we just need to grow in intentionality, and that’s perfectly fine!

7. Show Up for Your Friends

Make sure you’re showing up for your friends, and especially when it matters most.

Whether you’re supporting them by showing up to their event, listening and helping them through a work situation, being there for them at a time of loss, or helping them reach a goal, you can’t ignore them.

Be intentional to make time for them and treat them in the same way you would want to be treated.

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Making Friends as an Adult FAQ

Now if there are other questions that have been bothering you when it comes to making friends, then let’s cover them!

Here are some frequently asked questions when it comes to making friends as an adult.

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I really hope these tips on how to make friends as an adult helped you out.

There were a lot of ideas and questions answered, so I’m hoping you’re not too overwhelmed! 😅

Also, just remember, you deserve good friends and you can make new friends!

You’ve got this!