You know what they say: laughter is the best medicine. So, when someone is in need of a pick-me-up, giving ’em a chuckle is the best course of action to take. (Naturally!) That’s especially true for children. Families everywhere know that sharing a laugh (or two) at the dinner table is what really makes for the best memories. That’s why it’s important for parents to make sure that their kids experience this from a young age—because a giggly mind is a healthy mind.
If you are a parent who is looking for ways to make your young ones laugh, then this list of jokes for kids is a good start. Oh, and trust me when I say that they’ll be sure to be literally on the floor howling at some of these (as will you, if you have the sense of humor).
This list of creative one-liners and hilarious puns are great for any time—so be sure to read through and keep the ones you like the best in your back pocket. (Who knows, you might make your kid’s day with one of them!)
Funny and Clean Jokes for Kids
Q: What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?
A: A stick.
Q: What does a cloud wear under his raincoat?
A: Thunderwear.
Q: Two pickles fell out of a jar onto the floor. What did one say to the other?
A: Dill with it.
Q: What time is it when the clock strikes 13?
A: Time to get a new clock.
Q: How does a cucumber become a pickle?
A: It goes through a jarring experience.
Q: What did one toilet say to the other?
A: You look a bit flushed.
Q: What do you think of that new diner on the moon?
A: Food was good, but there really wasn’t much atmosphere.
Q: Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
A: Because the chicken wasn’t born yet.
Q: Why can’t Elsa from Frozen have a balloon?
A: Because she will “let it go, let it go.”
Q: What musical instrument is found in the bathroom?
A: A tuba toothpaste.
Q: Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
A: Because he felt crummy.
Q: Why was the baby strawberry crying?
A: Because her mom and dad were in a jam.
Q: What did the little corn say to the mama corn?
A: Where is pop corn?
Q: How do you make a lemon drop?
A: Just let it fall.
Q: What did the limestone say to the geologist?
A: Don’t take me for granite.
Q: Why does a seagull fly over the sea?
A: Because if it flew over the bay, it would be a baygull.
Q: What kind of water can’t freeze?
A: Hot water.
Q: What kind of tree fits in your hand?
A: A palm tree.
Q: What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?
A: A dino-snore.
Q: What is fast, loud, and crunchy?
A: A rocket chip.
Q: Why did the kid bring a ladder to school?
A: Because she wanted to go to high school.
Q: What do you call a dog magician?
A: A labracadabrador.
Q: Where would you find an elephant?
A: The same place you lost her.
Q: How do you get a squirrel to like you?
A: Act like a nut.
Q: What do you call two birds in love?
A: Tweethearts.
Q: How does a scientist freshen her breath?
A: With experi-mints.
Q: How are false teeth like stars?
A: They come out at night.
Q: What building in your town has the most stories?
A: The public library.
Q: What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?
A: Finding half a worm.
Q: What is a computer’s favorite snack?
A: Computer chips.
Q: What do cakes and baseball teams have in common?
A: They both need a good batter.
Q: What goes up but never comes down?
A: Your age.
Q: What does every birthday end with?
A: The letter Y.
Q: What did the tiger say to her cub on his birthday?
A: It’s roar birthday.
Q: Why did the girl put her cake in the freezer?
A: She wanted to ice it.
Q: Does a green candle burn longer than a pink one?
A: No, they both burn shorter.
Q: Why did the little girl hit her birthday cake with a hammer?
A: It was a pound cake.
Q: Why is the obtuse triangle always so frustrated?
A: Because it’s never right.
Q: Why is six afraid of seven?
A: Because seven eight nine.
Q: What did the banana say to the dog?
A: Nothing, bananas can’t talk.
Q: How do you make an octopus laugh?
A: With ten-tickles.
Q: What do you call a sleeping bull?
A: A bull-dozer.
Q: How do you fit more pigs on a farm?
A: Build a sty-scraper.
Q: What did the farmer call the cow that had no milk?
A: An udder failure.
Q: Why do fish live in salt water?
A: Because pepper makes them sneeze.
Q: What do you get from a pampered cow?
A: Spoiled milk.
Q: Where do polar bears vote?
A: The North Poll.
Q: What sound do porcupines make when they kiss?
A: Ouch!
Q: What did one volcano say to the other?
A: I lava you.
Q: How do we know that the ocean is friendly?
A: It waves.
Q: What is a tornado’s favorite game to play?
A: Twister.
Q: How does the moon cut his hair?
A: Eclipse it.
Q: How do you talk to a giant?
A: Use big words.
Q: What animal is always at a baseball game?
A: A bat.
Q: What falls in winter but never gets hurt?
A: Snow.
Q: What did the Dalmatian say after lunch?
A: That hit the spot.
Q: What do you call a droid that takes the long way around?
A: R2 detour.
Q: Why did the snake cross the road?
A: To get to the other ssside.
Q: Why are fish so smart?
A: Because they live in schools.
Q: What did the ocean say to the pirate?
A: Nothing, it just waved.
Q: Why don’t pirates shower before they walk the plank?
A: Because they’ll just wash up on shore later.
Q: What happened when Bluebeard fell overboard in the Red Sea?
A: He got marooned.
Q: How did the pirate get his flag so cheaply?
A: He bought it on sail.
Q: What has 8 legs, 8 arms, and 8 eyes?
A: 8 pirates.
Q: Why is pirating so addictive?
A: They say once ye lose yer first hand, ye get hooked.
Q: How do pirates know that they are pirates?
A: They think, therefore they arrr.
Q: Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?
A: Because she was stuffed.
Q: What has ears but cannot hear?
A: A cornfield.
Q: What did the left eye say to the right eye?
A: Between us, something smells.
Q: What did one plate say to the other plate?
A: Dinner is on me.
Q: Why did the student eat his homework?
A: Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake.
Q: When you look for something, why is it always in the last place you look?
A: Because when you find it, you stop looking.
Q: What is brown, hairy, and wears sunglasses?
A: A coconut on vacation.
Q: What do you say to a rabbit on its birthday?
A: Hoppy Birthday.
Q: What’s the one thing you’re guaranteed to get every year on your birthday?
A: A year older.
Q: Why do candles always go on the top of cakes?
A: Because it’s hard to light them from the bottom.
Q: What is a cat’s favorite color?
A: Purrr-ple.
Q: What song does a cat like best?
A: Three Blind Mice.
Q: Where did the school kittens go for their field trip?
A: To the mew-seum.
Q: What kind of kitten works for the Red Cross?
A: A first-aid kit.
Q: Why are cats good at video games?
A: Because they have nine lives.
Q: What did the cat say when he fell off the table?
A: “Me-ow.”
Q: What is the difference between a cat that got photocopied and a cat that follows you?
A: One is a cat copy; the other is a copy cat.
Q: What do you get when you cross a ball and a cat?
A: A fur ball.
Q: What’s a cat’s favorite magazine?
A: A cat-alogue.
Q: What cat likes living in water?
A: An octo-puss.
Q: Which side of the turkey has the most feathers?
A: The outside.
Q: What always comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
A: The letter g.
Q: What’s the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner?
A: The tur-key.
Q: Where does Christmas come before Thanksgiving?
A: In the dictionary.
Q: Why did pilgrims’ pants always fall down?
A: Because they wore their belt buckle on their hat.
Q: What do turkeys and teddy bears have in common?
A: They both have stuffing.
Q: What key won’t open any door?
A: A turkey.
Q: Why did the turkey cross the road?
A: It was the chicken’s day off.
Q: Why did the chewing gum cross the road?
A: It was stuck on the turkey’s foot.
Q: Why did the turkey cross the road twice?
A: To show he wasn’t a chicken.
Q: What falls at the North Pole and never gets hurt?
A: Snow.
Q: How does a sheep say Merry Christmas?
A: Fleece Navidad.
Q: Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?
A: It needed to be trimmed.
Q: What is an elf’s favorite kind of music?
A: Wrap music.
Q: What kind of photos do elves take?
A: Elfies.
Q: What do road crews use at the North Pole?
A: Snow cones.
Q: Why did Rudolph get a bad grade on his report card?
A: Because he went down in history.
Q: What wears a red suit and goes, “Oh, oh, oh”?
A: Santa walking backwards.
Q: Where does a snowman keep his money?
A: In a snow bank.
Q: What do you get when you combine a Christmas tree with a computer?
A: A pine-apple.
Q: Why didn’t the skeleton go to school?
A: His heart wasn’t in it.
Q: How does a vampire start a letter?
A: Tomb it may concern…
Q: What is a monster’s favorite dessert?
A: I scream.
Q: What monster plays tricks on Halloween?
A: Prank-enstein.
Q: What kind of music do mummies love?
A: Wrap music.
Q: What fruit do scarecrows love the most?
A: Straw-berries.
Q: What does a witch use to do her hair?
A: Scarespray.
Q: What room does a ghost not need?
A: A living room.
Q: What kind of dog does Dracula have?
A: A blood hound.
Q: What is a ghost’s nose full of?
A: Boo-gers.
Q: What do you get when a turkey lays an egg on top of a barn?
A: An eggroll.
Q: Why was the turkey the drummer in the band?
A: Because he had drumsticks.
Q: What’s the best thing to put into pumpkin pie?
A: Your teeth.
Q: What’s the best dance to do on Thanksgiving?
A: The turkey trot.
Q: Why did the Pilgrims sail from England to America?
A: Because they missed their plane.
Q: When the Pilgrims landed, where did they stand?
A: On their feet.
Q: Why did the police arrest the turkey?
A: They suspected it of fowl play.
Q: What should you wear to Thanksgiving dinner?
A: A har-vest.
Q: If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for?
A: Their age.
Q: Where do you find a turkey with no legs?
A: Where you left it.
Q: Why was the equal sign so humble?
A: Because he wasn’t greater than or less than anyone else.
Q: What do you call guys who love math?
A: Algebros.
Q: How do you stay warm in any room?
A: Go to the corner—it’s always 90 degrees.
Q: Why was the fraction nervous about marrying the decimal?
A: Because he would have to convert.
Q: Are monsters good at math?
A: Not unless you count Dracula.
Q: Why was the math book sad?
A: Because it had too many problems.
Q: Why does nobody talk to circles?
A: Because there’s no point.
Q: Why couldn’t the pony sing a lullaby?
A: She was a little horse.
Q: What was the first animal in space?
A: The cow that jumped over the moon.
Q: Why don’t elephants chew gum?
A: They do, just not in public.
Q: How do ghosts wash their hair?
A: With sham-boo.
Q: What’s a witch’s favorite subject in school?
A: Spelling.
Q: What’s big, scary and has three wheels?
A: A monster on a tricycle.
Q: Why don’t vampires have more friends?
A: Because they are a pain in the neck.
Q: What position does a ghost play in hockey?
A: Ghoulie.
Q: What do you call a witch who goes to the beach?
A: A sand-witch.
Q: What do you give a vampire when he’s sick?
A: Coffin drops.
Q: What kinds of pants do ghosts wear?
A: Boo-jeans.
Q: Who isn’t hungry at Thanksgiving?
A: The turkey—he’s already stuffed.
Q: Can a turkey jump higher than Mount Everest?
A: Yes, because a building can’t jump at all.
Q: What do you call it when it rains turkeys?
A: Foul weather.
Q: Why did the turkey sit on the tomahawk?
A: To hatch-et.
Q: What kind of music did Pilgrims listen to?
A: Plymouth Rock.
Q: What smells the best at a Thanksgiving dinner?
A: Your nose.
Q: Why do turkeys always say, “gobble, gobble”?
A: Because they never learned good table manners.
Q: What do elves learn in school?
A: The elf-abet.
Q: How does a snowman lose weight?
A: He waits for the weather to get warmer.
Q: What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
A: Do you smell carrots?
Q: What do you call a reindeer with bad manners?
A: Rude-olph.
Q: Why does Santa work at the North Pole?
A: Because the penguins kicked him out of the South Pole.
Q: What do birds say on Halloween?
A: Trick or tweet.
Q: Are black cats bad luck?
A: Sure, if you’re a mouse.
Q: How do you fix a cracked pumpkin?
A: A pumpkin patch.
Q: When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?
A: When you’re a mouse.
Q: What do you call two witches living together?
A: Broommates.
Q: What happens when a vampire goes in the snow?
A: Frost bite.
Q: Why did the zombie skip school?
A: He was feeling rotten.
Q: What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A: A blood orange.
Q: What instrument does a skeleton play?
A: The trom-bone.
Q: Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
A: Day-scare centers.
Q: Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance?
A: Because he had no body to go with.
Q: What candy do you eat on the playground?
A: Recess pieces.
So which one of these kids jokes was your favorite? I’d love to know!
Josiah Soto is a New York City-based writer and editor, though he’s a Pennsylvania boy at heart. He studied English Literature at a small school called Moravian University—an experience that he’s eternally grateful for. He has been professionally writing for a few years now, seeing his work featured at ThePioneerWoman.com, Cosmopolitan, Biogrpahy.com, and more. Outside of this, Josiah battles with the idea of rooting for the Phillies and the Yankees, as he feels dedicated to both.