9 Tips for Keeping a Long-Distance Friendship Alive (& Really Strong)

I quickly found that I would have to learn how to maintain long-distance friendships once I became a full-time traveler.

I needed to know how to keep the physical distance from making my best friends and me distant.

I went from weekly coffee shop meet-ups with two of my closest friends, to figuring out times to talk over video.

And while it was easy at first despite living thousands of miles away, it became more difficult to nurture long distance friendships over time.

Different life situations happened to all of us and made it harder to find time to connect. Also, we started to evolve and change on our own, and the physical distance kept us from understanding everything that was going on.

Now while your situation might look different, I’d love to share a few long-distance friendship tips that I believe will help you keep the bonds alive (and get stronger).

Finding ways to connect with your long-distance BFFs despite the times zones and schedules is work, but it is so worth it.

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1. Check Up on What’s Important to Them

When learning how to keep a long distance friendship, you need to know what’s currently important to them, and make it important to you.

It’s so simple, but consistently doing this one small thing can really strengthen your bond even if there’s a big distance between the two of you.

How to Put This Into Action: Your friend mentioned over a small text conversation that she’s taking new classes to improve her career, or her child is experiencing specific difficulties in school.

And you can do these two things…

1. Be a friend to them, listen to them, but also think of solutions when you’re not talking (if they do share a problem). It’s important to first hear them out and comfort them in their specific situation. But when you’re not around them, do a little bit a research, ask others who have been in the same situation, or think back to when you’ve have similar problems. How can you help them and make their burden lighter?
2. Whether it was a good or bad situation they shared, prioritize them and check up on their situation a few days later (or however long you think is appropriate) and see how they’re doing.

Here’s Why it Works: Showing that you genuinely care about the different parts of their life, big and small, is a great way to get closer, but also keep the distance from making you mentally and emotionally distant.

You’re making sure your friendship isn’t just surface-deep. You’re putting in the effort to keep things close and making your friend feel cared about in ways they’ll remember years down the road.

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2. Get Rid of Mental & Emotional Blocks

All of us have certain struggles from how we were raised, and that can determine the strength and length of a friendship.

But if you are both intentional to be aware of each other’s mental and emotional blocks, and learn how to keep each other (and yourselves) accountable. It really can help your friendship from dissolving.

Be aware of what emotional triggers you might have that would cause you to put up walls. And if you see your friend putting up their own walls, talk to them about it.

Ask what’s going on and how you can be there for them.

I cannot tell you how much this has helped with my long distance friends!

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3. Talk About Communication Preferences

Whether you’re someone who just likes to text occasionally or wants to video call once a week, it’s always a good idea to see how the other person feels.

Some might expect more or less in the way of long distance connecting and communication.

And on top of that, your friend might just want to send voice messages over video calls, and vice versa. Just be up for figuring out what works best for the both of you and make some compromises.

It’s a great way to show them you care and that you want them to feel taken care of in this long-distance friendship.

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4. Always Communicate

Commit to communication no matter what issue comes up.

If you’re not communicating with your friend when they do something that bothers you, it will unravel the relationship.

Talk to them about it, even if it makes you uncomfortable.

Here’s why this is important to address conflict and frustrations:

1. If you don’t do it because you’re afraid of the relationship ending, just know that it already will end given enough time of not working things out.
2. Misunderstanding happen. If you know your friend isn’t a toxic person, chances are they didn’t mean it how you took it.
3. Put the shoe on the other foot. If you said something that hurt or frustrated them, you’d probably feel pretty irritated that they let their anger build up and didn’t tell you. You’d want to know.

See it as a growing experience to becoming a better friend and communicator; it can only help.

PS – And make sure to communicate face to face over video. If you do it over text (or even a call), it can potentially lead to more miscommunications since you can’t hear their tone of voice or see their facial expressions.

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5. Celebrate With Them

Whether it’s a big or small event, make it significant.

They just hit that milestone for improving their health or completing an online course? Celebrate it.

They talk to you about how they started doing something small to improve their mental health that week? Encourage them and celebrate with them.

Here’s why it works: Even though you’re not physically close, you’re making it so that what’s happening on their side of the world is also taking place where you live. You’re closing the distance and creating a stronger bond. It’s not just conversations about work, it’s building memories and a bond that is actually meaningful.

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6. Find Things to Do Together

Whether it’s trying the same recipe for dinner, or watching the same show and discussing the different episodes, there are so many things you can do together.

You can even have an outing together and go to your favorite coffee shops, order your favorite drinks, and hop on a video call on your laptops.

Make a list of the things you’d love to do with your BFF if they were in the same city, and see if you can make it work long-distance.

And beyond doing fun activities at the same time, you can also go after common goals together.

So for instance, you both might want to start an Etsy shop together, create an online vision board, or even get healthier and make a meal plan together.

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7. Plan a Trip Together

When I was in Medellin, Colombia last year, I met two friends at a cooking class who were long-distance friends.

They had known each other since high school, and almost 10 years later were still planning trips.

It’s such a fun way to connect, get excited over a fun vacation, and share incredible experiences and memories together.

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8. Send Them a Curated Package

Text messages get forgotten or lost, but physical items are the things you’re holding and smiling at 27 years later.

So for example, take some time to send them a small package filled with a letter and items you know would be important (or even funny) to them.

And for the letter, share

with them something small (or big) that just happened in your week that you didn’t share over text. It makes it so much more meaningful and fun.

Side Note: Sending poems for friends with a package (or letter) can be a thoughtful way of showing how much you’re thinking of them!

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9. Have a Shared Photo Album

This is probably one of the best long distance friendship ideas!

It doesn’t matter if you’re sharing funny memes, photos of an amazing hike, or even a night out with friend, it’s a great way to stay up to date.

You’re invested in each other’s lives and wanna know what’s going on (or make each other laugh), and this is such a simple way of doing it.

And it doesn’t mean you have to be adding photos or checking in on the album every single day. It can just be a casual thing that you both participate in whenever you feel like it.

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Other Ideas for Nurturing Long-Distance Friendships

If you’re looking for more ideas on taking care of your long-distance friendships, then here are a few more ideas I thought of and read up on:

• Thoughtfully Send Them Music: Whether it’s a whole playlist or just a song you know they’ll love, I’ve found this to actually touch a friend before. I know it’s simple, but sometimes small things really do hit home. Also, it just shows that you know them and what they like!
• No Distance During Hard Times: If you’re going through hard times, don’t isolate yourself. Reach out to your friend and bring them into the situation. Go through hard things together; this will make your friendship so much more meaningful. Also, they might have help + insight to give you that would be genuinely help.
• Set Talk Times: If it’s possible, have a specific time of the week (or every two weeks, or every month) where you connect. If that’s not possible due to shifting schedules, make it a point to figure out a day in that week or month to make it work.
• Reach Out if You’re Struggling: I’ve found that just sending a message to let them know what I’m going through has really strengthened our friendship. You’re pulling them into your life and solidifying the fact that they’re a real friend to you. They’re not just there for the highlights.
• If You Appreciate Them, Tell Them: It’s a wonderful way to get closer to your friend. You know that they know, but I think all of us need to hear it. It helps drive home the fact they they matter and it’s something they can hold onto when they’re going through difficulties.