4 Ways to Make Your Marriage an Equal Partnership

Marriage has always been complicated; with each new generation, there seems to be new expectations or stipulations.

Of course many of the problems have remained the same, but when it comes to figuring out what equality looks like for the man and the woman in marriage, then that’s where the complicated part comes in.

We all know that marriage is a partnership and we need to do our equal share, so why don’t we treat it as if it were as important as a business partnership?

Sounds a bit cold and unromantic, but if it were a business partnership, we would probably do whatever we could to make it work because relationships and money were at stake.

So then this prompts two questions: how would this make my marriage better? And, how do I create an equal partnership in marriage?

Well, I’ll answer the first question for you quickly. Your partner is going to feel respected, appreciated, like you’re on their team, loved, that you can be trusted, and they’ll feel taken seriously. Some great benefits for your marriage right?

But now the second question, “How do I do this?”

For some, it may be obvious when it comes to creating an equal partnership, but a lot of us out there didn’t grow up with the best examples on marriage. Some grew up in a house with parents that didn’t see their spouse as a partner at all, or their parents taught them nothing on the subject.

So to answer that question, I’ll give you some tips on how to be an equal partner and improve your marriage.

1. Learn to Give and Take

It’s a basic concept in life and it applies strongly to marriage. So here’s a quick example of give and take in your relationship that’ll help give you perspective on how to view it and take action.

Your spouse comes home exhausted from work and is probably hungry. Who wouldn’t be? Well whether you’re the man or woman in the situation, your circumstances or how you feel about the situation can vary.

Maybe you don’t have enough energy yourself to cook them a meal, you don’t feel confident in your cooking skills, or you feel like that’s something they can do themselves.

Now some of these are understandable, but so much of the time, giving back can challenge us to fight any selfishness we have. So what if you heated up some leftovers, got take out, or even made something quick and easy earlier on in the day? Then how much do you think they’d feel taken care of or even respected?

This is all a part of give and take, you’re giving them something so you can take what they offer you in return. It’s a healthy cycle and you want to keep it balanced.

Now give and take can almost sound selfish, but it has nothing to do with giving and expecting something in return. If someone takes too much from the person that gives too much, then pretty soon they won’t have anything left to give.

So if you want to value equality, then you need to make sure they feel taken care of and loved. Then there will be no rift or wall built up between the two of you.

2. Supporting Goals

You know the saying about how you have to look after your own dreams and goals, otherwise no one else will?

For a lot of people, this is true, they’re the only ones pursuing their dreams because no one is helping or cares like how they do.

But as a spouse, you can’t let this happen. You have to take partnership in your spouse’s dreams and help them in achieving their goals. It’ll only bring you both closer when you work on it together. Let them know that you support them in their desires by doing things to push it forward.

Be committed and fosters a sense of teamwork.

This could mean that they want to be able to travel for six months to a year and see the world, or they have a dream of pursuing a career that requires a certain degree. So do the research with or apart from them. See how much things cost, what they need to learn, and what steps you both need to take to get to that dream or goal?

Just start by asking them what their dream is, and ask them what you can do to help them make it happen. Then work as a team and pretty soon your spouse is going to see how much you care and do the same for you (see how give and take can apply here as well?).

3. Never Cut Them Down

What I’ve been taught is that if you’re hurting your spouse, you’re also hurting yourself.

You’re making them build up walls so they can’t get hurt by you, which in turn hurts you. It damages your relationship and makes it harder to forgive.

For some of us, our main reaction when our spouse does something we disapprove of, don’t like, or feel frustrated with, is to ridicule them or cut them down to size.

But you have to remember that you’re on the same team; you’re partners.

So yes, you might be frustrated or irritated but the best thing you can do is to hold back anything that would tear them down. And sometimes, they might be seeking or wanting forgiveness and so we should offer it freely.

Then you can reinforce the healthy cycle of give and take, because at some point, you’re going to mess up and need the same kind of forgiveness as well.

Keeping a healthy view of your spouse and your role in the relationship is a great way to set up a stronger and happier marriage, fosters closeness, and build emotional intimacy.

4. Consult

Individuality and independence are really emphasized in our society. And when it comes to making big decisions, we don’t usually consult our spouses.

But even if you feel that you shouldn’t have to ask them about it, your decision doesn’t just affect you, it can affect them as well. Which is why it’s so important to discuss it with them and hear their feedback.

You want to give them a voice in the relationship and make them feel heard and seen. You want to emphasize honoring your spouse’s preferences, thoughts, and needs.

And if a large sum of money is going to be used for a purchase or it’s a life decision, talk to them about it and see how they feel. Then the both of you can trust each other and that you both have the others best interest at heart. You wouldn’t be doing anything without hearing them out because you respect them.

With all this being said, marriage is a lot of work, and that’s why it’s so important to do your equal share of the work so you can grow stability.

Then something healthy can be built and both partners can be happy with how they’ve grown together and not apart.

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